Clarification: Sadism and masochism

Instead of jumping into a full-scale discussion of all the parts of BDSM practises, I thought it might be useful to break it down into manageable bites, so for this blog, I'm just going to talk about Sadism and masochism, and their practitioners, Sadists and masochists.

Let's get one thing clear, right now. This is probably going to twist some tails, but there is no such thing as a Sadomasochistic relationship. If you will follow my arguments for just a little while, you'll see why. Let's look at some history and definitions.

Sadism

The term Sadism derives from certain sexual practises, described in novels written by le Comte Donatien Alphonse François de Sade, often appellated as Marquis de Sade. During his lifetime, de Sade frequently attempted and sometimes succeeded in creating real-life situations, similar to those in his novels, in which he inflicted pain on others for his own gratification.

Most dictionaries will give a definition of Sadism similar to the following:

"behavior characterized by inflicting pain (physical or emotional) on others, for the purpose of sexual gratification."

A Sadist then, is simply:

"an individual who practices Sadism."

Note that these definitions do not require the presence of a masochist. This fact, and his (often poor) choice of victims, is the reason that de Sade ended his days in an asylum for the criminally insane.

Masochism

In 1870, an Austrian novelist named Leopold von Sacher-Masoch published a novella titled Venus in Furs, in which, through the characters he described, he codified his obsession to be used and abused by the object of his desire. He had somewhat less success at achieving any long-term happiness in this way, in real life - I suspect a case of conflicting goals. At any rate Masoch achieved a kind of immortality, when psychiatrist Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing coined the term "masochist," in 1886, to describe such obsessions.

The dictionary definitions of masochism can be summed up as follows:

"achieving pleasure or sexual gratification from being humiliated, or from being physically or emotionally abused, either by oneself or another person."

In other words, if you get off on being hurt or embarrassed, you're probably a masochist, at least to some degree.

Complain all you want, but then look at the facts.

There may be a D/s relationship which includes Sadomasochistic overtones. There may be a love relationship, or even just a friendship with such overtones. A pair of total strangers, with no relationship at all, or only the temporary relationship of perpetrator and victim, can engage in a Sadomasochistic behavior.

Clearly a "pure" Sadist (one who has no specific relationship with his victim) does not require a masochist in order to get his/her jollies. He/she can gain pleasure from hurting anybody, whether they enjoy it or not. In fact their enjoyment of the process might actually detract from his own.

Conversely, a "pure" masochist doesn't require a Sadist, in order to have fun. Anybody will do, even someone who detests treating people harshly. Oddly enough, even another masochist will do. If no one else can be found, a masochist is often perfectly capable of becoming the source of his/her own pain. No relationship there, because nobody else is involved.

Here's the thing about relationships: for a relationship to exist, there have to be two personalities involved. For both the Sadist and the masochist, the other person involved in their activities is so completely objectified, that for all intents and puposes there is no other personality involved. Furthermore, if you want to establish that some fact or condition characterizes a relationship, you have to show that it is both a necessary and a sufficient condition for the relationship to exist. There's no way to do this with Sadism and masochism: all of the relationships you might point to are either driven by something else, or they don't qualify as relationships. Ergo, there is no such thing as a Sadomasochistic relationship.

So where does that leave us? Not quite in the dark. Sadism and masochism cannot themselves define a relationship, even in part; but they are personality traits, and there is some evidence to the effect that everyone possesses them to one degree or another. As a society, we tend to ingore these traits, unless the form of expression is extreme.

The terms have also been co-opted to refer to certain behaviors or practises (remember my previous blog?) involving the delivery or experiencing of pain or humiliation. By mainstream standards, these practises are considered to be deviant behavior, and the personalities that actively seek to engage in them are usually considered borderline, or completely, insane.

Hold on, now! I know you don't consider your harmless little bit of fun to be evidence of insanity. I'm just telling you what you already know. If you got caught doing it, by anybody with a badge, you would be taken into custody, for your safety and that of society at large. Maybe for a very long time! Of course, if you're a masochist, the idea of confinement might not be unpalatable...

As an aside, it should be noted that Sadism and masochism are not mutually exclusive personality traits. The term "switch," as used in the "lifestyle," ultimately derives from the fact that, early on, the mental health community recognized that some individuals can derive their pleasure from being on either side of the abuse process.

Most people involved in Sadism and masochism today, do not try to engage in those practises as a total lifestyle (24/7). I said most. There are always exceptions, and that's why we have asylums. If that pisses you off, too bad. By my personal standards, trying to live 24/7 either giving or receiving pain with any enthusiasm, is conclusive evidence of insanity. They're my standards, and you're not going to change them.

People who just want to a have a little fun now and then, practising Sadomasochism, usually engage in scenes. I can't say much about scenes, without bleeding over into Bondage and Discipline. I want to deal with that in a separate blog, so I'm going to end this one here.

Ta Ta For Now.

QM