Galen Rides again...

For those of you who like him, our wandering technical support Dom, Galen Cuvier, is the news today. I just posted Chapter 2 of Homecoming? I know it's been a long time, but I really am trying to finish this tale. When it is done, I promise to never, never, never post any part of a story until the whole thing is finished. I'm kind of stuck with this one, and a couple of others, though. Not much action or sex in this chapter. Think of it as a bridge between the more exciting parts.

An FTP experiment...

In the two or three years I've been posting to ASSTR, I've never used the FTP site. The reason is simple: I wanted more control over the stories than uploading plain text files, or Word documents, to an ftp site would allow. I could have solved the problem a long time ago, except that I always felt that the cost of Adobe Acrobat (full version) was much too high to justify buying it for that purpose.

Recently though, I had the good fortune to come across the PDF995 software suite, from a company called Software995. The suite contains utliities for creating, signing, securing, and encrypting PDF documents, and all of the elements are available via free download. The freeware version has the usual annoying popups, but hey, it's free! If you dislike the popups enough, you can get rid of them for less than twenty bucks.

I've decided to use the PDF995 suite to test the demand for ftp downloads. I've created a PDF document will all four chapters, plus the epilogue, for Breakdown, and before I go to bed tonight, it'll be posted on my ftp site. I'll watch the download statistics to see if there's enough demand to continue it with the other stories.

New Galen Story!

I've finally finished the first chapter of the long-awaited sequel to Breakdown - a new Galen Cuvier story, titled Homecoming? I posted the new chapter today.

The addition of the new story caused a need to reorganize several parts of my ASSTR website (naturally), so today's updates are more massive than just posting a story. Galen has gone from being the main character in a single story (Breakdown), to being the central figure in a universe of stories (The Life and Times of Galen Cuvier). And yes, it's likely that there will be more Galen stories after Homecoming? is finished.

Clarification - Dominance and submission

I sometimes take verbal flak about my self-described Dom personality. It seems that the external face of my lifestyle doesn't fit the preconceptions the complainers hold about D/s; and they persist in pointing out that I don't own a dungeon, don't make a regular practise of hurting anyone, and rarely even tie anyone up. They are obviously confused and/or ignorant about the meaning of terms used in the lifestyle.

Even given the unlikely chance that they will ever read it, I'm going to try and correct that here, to the extent that it is feasible.

D/s and BDSM are not the same thing. Sometimes it is convenient to lump them all together though, and that creates a lot of the confusion.

D/s is shorthand for Dominance and submission, which phrase describes a kind of relationship between people. BDSM is shorthand for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism, which is a collection of practises, in which some people may engage at times (some will also insist that the "DS" in the middle is for Dominance and Submission). For example, one is much more likely to know people involved in a 24/7 D/s relationship (even though you are probably unaware of it) than one is to know anyone who regularly practises Sadism by flogging someone. Let's put this one to bed.

Dominance and Submission

As I said, D/s describes a kind of relationship. A relationship exists only between members of a pair of individuals; and is usually, but not necessarily, different from any relationship that exists between either member of the pair, and another individual, outside the pair. A D/s relationship may be only one of several kinds of relationships that exist between members of the same pair.

Like any relationship, a D/s relationship is driven by the roles played by the participants in the relationship. In this type of relationship, only two roles are of any real importance: the Dominant (or Top, or Dom/me or sometimes, Master/Mistress) role, and the submissive (or bottom, or sub, or sometimes, slave) role.

A dictionary is often useful in understanding terms. The Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary (2002) lists one definition of the noun dominant as follows:

"a dominant individual in a social hierarchy."

Since this is a recursive definition, using the same word as an adjective to define the noun, we need to look a little further. The American Heritage Stedman's Medical Dictionary (2002) lists a definition of the adjective dominant as:

"exercising the most influence or control."

So, to expand and clarify the first definition, we can define a Dominant as:

"the individual who excercises the most influence or control in a social hierarchy."

There isn't as much dictionary support to define the noun submissive, the way we use it,so our efforts will require a little more of a stretch. Experience with the lifestyle would support another recursive definition: i.e.:

"a submissive individual in a social hierarchy."

Again, we use a term as an adjective, to define the same term as a noun. There is no shortage of definitions for the adjective, submissive, however, and the one which seems to fit best, comes from the Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary (2002):

"characterized by tendencies to yield to the will or authority of others."

Expanding and clarifying then, we define a submissive as:

"an individual who tends to yield to the will or authority of others in a social hierarchy."

These definitions fit into social hierarchies of any size, even one that contains only two people - a relationship! More specifically, a D/s relationship.

Any specific relationship, and thus any D/s relationship, may be said to exist in a continuum of such relationships of the same kind, and the location of the relationship between any two particular people within the continuum, may be described by expressing the amplitude (intensity) of one or more characteristics of the relationship.

In his stories, one of my favorite online authors (MWTB) describes Dominance and submission as aspects of a single quantity: a number line, if you will, with submission at one end of the scale and dominance at the other. In his view, then, where you fall on the line determines which role you normally play.

I actually believe that Dominance and submission are two separate characteristics, and that everyone has both characteristics, in different quantities. As separate characteristics, Dominance and submission can be described in a Cartesion two-space (plane). In this view, the D/s relationship between any two people can be described by where they fall on the plane.

The so called vanilla relationship, for instance, is not a different kind of relationship at all. It is just a situation that happens when two people assume that they are at more or less the same place on the plane. When a person's entire lifestyle is characterized as vanilla, it simply means that he/she habitually treats the people around him/her as social equals. It usually signals a lack of awareness on his/her part, about where on the D/s plane the people surrounding him/her are, leading to the (sometimes) erroneous assumption that everyone is about where he/she is on the plane.

As you can see, being a Dominant doesn't necessarily require that you tie anyone up, or flog them, or in any way be cruel or rude to them, and being submissive doesn't have to mean that you have any of these things done to you. Bottom line: being a Dominant requires that you make most of the important decisions about the relationship, and being submissive requires that you accept, and when expected to, implement, those decisions.

Well, I've rambled on and avoided my other responsibilities long enough, for now, so I'm going to close this blog. Sometime soon, I'll probably add a post with some opinions about the practises of BDSM, and maybe another comparing the characteristics of Dominants, submissives, sadists, and masochists.

Sayonara

QM

Dominance and submission

It seems all the easy words have been written, and inspiration is in short supply. Time between chapters grows, and this bores me. When this happens, my mind wanders, and recently it has been wandering in perilous directions.

In my profile, I have alluded to the position that both my SO and I are tops, and that this frequently is the root of more tension in our household than is usually considered desirable. On the other hand, I am often given cause to wonder, however, if she might not be a switch. rather than a top.

Being the top in a relationship demands that one accept responsibility for both the making of, and the outcome of, important, often life-changing decisions. Acting on the presumption that she is an equal partner, rather than my sub, I always offer her the opportunity to participate in this process as often as is possible: however, I usually end up having the entire decision thrown back in my lap. Not credible behavior for a Domme, if you ask me.

It also seems to me that frequently, she is easily pushed into doing things that do not appear to be desirable from her perspective. Of course I don't mind this if I am the one doing the pushing, but it irritates me no end if someone else does it to her. This most often happens in connection with her work, and takes the form of psychological bullying. I have spoken with her frequently (to little avail) about the difficulty I have in accepting her acquiescence to this treatment. I can forsee a time when I may have to take some drastic action to bring this cycle to an end. She is mine, damn it!

The thing is, if she is going to act the part of a sub, then she is going to be a sub only to me, unless I specifically and personally authorize that kind behavior toward someone else. I guess that kind of puts my take on the situation out there for everyone to see, and if someone, anyone, doesn't like it, then tough shit!

All this internal grumbling has me thinking about what I would want in a sub, and I've come up with a few things. I know that they are going to offend some people. I don't care. We're talking about a dominant/submissive relationship here. If you can't understand that, get out of my face and out of my life. I'm not particularly into subjecting a sub to pain and/or humiliation, but I can provide it if needed. I do have a few basic rules, however.

First off, dedication. If I am going to be your Dom and all that that entails (making the major decisions for you, providing for you, protecting you, loving you), then I expect you to put me first. First before your children, your parents, your siblings, yourself, your career, or whatever. Not just in terms of meeting my basic physical and biological needs, but also in whatever I might want. It is not yours to judge whether I should want things, only to correctly anticipate and meet my desires and demands. As far as the anticipation part is concerned, if you are worrried about it, just pay attention!

Second, loyalty. Do not become my adversary, or an accomplice to my adversary. Life is a continuous struggle with antagonistic forces, and as the Dom, it is my duty to provide for and protect both of us, as well as our other dependents. It is enough to have to contend with attacks from outside the relationship, without having to worry about getting knives in the back, either real or figurative.

Third, honesty. When I act, I do so based on the information I have. If I am acting on bad information, the outcome of those actions is less likely to be positive for us. Do not knowingly tell me a falsehood. If you tell me something you believe to be true, and then later find out that it is not, tell me so, as quickly as feasible. Don't conceal vital information. That is the same as lying to me, whether the concealment is active or passive. Don't knowingly let me believe something you know to be false. That is the same as concealment, and lying. If you want something, tell me. Chances are, if it is in my power, I'll get/do it for you, or allow/assist you to obtain/do it for yourself. By the same token, if you are afraid of, hostile to, or feel in any way negatively toward something, tell me. To the extent that I both feel I can, and feel that it appropriate to do so, I will most likely accomodate you.

Fourth, obedience. Why the hell would a sub have problems with the concept of obedience? Follow instructions, or in the absence of instructions, do those things that you have a reasonable expectation would please me. If you have reason to believe that my instructions were given based on incomplete or erroneous information, then give me the correct information and ask for confirmation of the instructions. Don't be a bush lawyer, and try to interpret instructions differently from my intent, or accept such interpretations from others: that is just another form of disobedience. If you are truly unclear on what my wishes/instructions mean, ask. That's the only way I for me to know you need clarification. This should not happen very frequently, as I will make every reasonable effort to be certain that you understand what I want.

Fifth, and finally, love. If you don't love me, none of the rest matters, and if you truly do, the rest will come easily. I am reminded of many conversations with a close friend, who complains about her husband, who has similar rules. Paraphrased, she says, "He won't change for me! When I complain about the way he does things, he just says, 'This is the way I am!' and then he expects me to just live with it!" Since my friend isn't my sub, and I have no wish to alienate her by sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, I have made no attempt to educate her. The fact is, though, her complaint has no merit. He is telling the truth. She married him, and stays in the marriage relationship voluntarily. If she didn't love him enough to accept him for what he was, she shouldn't have entered into the relationship in the first place, and if he has changed in ways that she can't accept, she should end it. Two points need to be made: (1)People change as they grow older, and from the perspective of one partner or the other, the changes may not be good for the relationship. (2)It just takes some individuals longer than others to grow into and realize their role in life, whether as a top, a switch, a bottom, or a vanilla. In either case, the principles still hold, and if the love between two people isn't strong enough to accomodate the changes, it's probably time to end the relationship.

Applying the rules: If you break a rule, for whatever reason, and are contrite, tell me yourself and take the consequences. It'll be better. Don't let me find out another way. That would break my heart, and would forever prohibit further trust. If you break a rule and are self-righteous about it, go find a Dom who can live with that. I can't.

If you can't follow the rules, you aren't my sub. Hell, if you can't do this, can you even call yourself my lover? If you are a sub, you should end the relationship and wait for someone for whom you can follow the rules: otherwise you are just propagating unhappiness for both of us.

And yes, even though you are a sub, you still have the power to end a relationship, at least in this country.

QM