This and that

For those who may not have reason to know, I consolidated and refined the material previously presented in the Clarifications blog set, and posted it to Literotica as an essay. At last check, over a period of not quite two days' exposure, 1400+ people have read it, and reaction (as measured by voting) is slightly more positive than 75%.

Only two readers, as of this moment, actually took time to comment on it in writing: one as instant feedback, which everyone can see (at the end of the essay), and the other as an email critique. The instant feedback was short and complimentary, while the email was a little longer and somewhat more critical.

In my critic's view, I didn't stress safety enough in the essay, and that may be true. I thought I had, but perhaps I should have said more, or said it more emphatically. As I responded to my critic, I don't think it possible to be too concerned about safety, especially if you are engaged in activities that have the potential to maim or kill people.

At any rate, I don't think I'll make any changes just yet, in case there are more people out there who might have pertinent comments to make. In a few more days, after everyone who might wish to do so has had an opportunity to comment, I'll consider what changes to make, and probably issue an update.

Work proceeds slowly on the three stories I am actively writing, and I have so far successfully resisted putting more work in on the fourth. I hope to have the first chapter of Homecoming? ready to post soon. When I do, it will go up first on Literotica, then on EWP and ASSTR.

As I said previously, the Swarm Cycle story I'm working on won't be posted until it has been completed and blessed by the creator of the Swarm Universe.

I only just had a breakthrough on Chapter 7 of Schroedinger, so it'll be a little while before it's ready to post.

QM

Clarification: D/s and S/m Personalities

This is the fourth and final blog in the Clarifications set.

In the first blog of the set, I set forth my views of the meaning of dominance and submission, characterizing the D/s experience as a relationship. The relationship, however, takes its name from the principal personality characteristics of the participants.

As a Dominant, I have to admit to a predisposition for obtaining personal satisfaction or gratification, through controlling or influencing others. Any particular Dom (or Domme) may excercise control to any level of detail, using any of a variety of methods, with any degree of subtlety. A short, and by no means exhaustive, list of motivations might include:

• Perception that having control over others gives one greater control of his/her own life;
  Conviction that one is ultimately and directly responsible for outcomes resulting from any decisions;
• Greater confidence in one's own ability to plan, reason, and execute, than in that of others;
• Expectation of some specific advantage to be gained through excercising control: e.g., a potential or real improvement in financial, social, or sexual opportunities or outcomes.

With a little thought and dedication, one could probably extend this list indefinitely; however, these few bullets probably cover the majority of the bases. The need to be dominant doesn't require many of these motivations to be present - any one is enough - but probably most Dom/mes have several active issues.

Being a Dom/me doesn't by itself create a D/s relationship. It does, however, predispose one to seek out or establish one or more such relationships. In order to effect such a relationship, obviously, one must needs find a submissive personality to dominate; but what's in it for the submissive?

By definition, a submissive (sub) is one who obtains satisfaction or gratification through being controlled. Motivations for this behavior (again, not an exhaustive list) may include:

• A desire to be cared for, avoid personal responsibility, and have most major decisions made by another;
• Emotional, and often sexual, satisfaction achieved by submitting to another. Anecdotal evidence exists to support the existence of extreme cases, in which a submissive can actually achieve orgasm at the Dom/mes whim, without any physical stimulation at all.
• A desire and commitment to provide for the convenience, comfort, well-being, and satisfaction - including sexual satisfaction - of another, with little or no regard for the consequences to one's person.
• Confirmation of self-worth, often, but not always, tangible. This is usually some kind of reward for submission to a Dom/me, and might be a mark, or a piece of jewelry, or even an item of clothing. The possibilities are endless.

A sub in a D/s relationship may or may not willingly make minor decisions, but will always defer to the Dom/me if there is a conflict. The sub may be capable, but not usually desirous of managing all aspects of his/her life.

I should mention that there exists a subset of D/s relationships where the polarization of roles is much more extreme: in the Master/slave (M/s) type of relationship dominance becomes ownership, and submission becomes slavery. In an M/s relationship, both the level of authority and responsibility of the Dom/me are radically increased, concurrently with an increase in the level of dependence and subservience of the submissive.

Marks, if used as evidence of submission, may be temporary (like a hickey) or permanent (like a tattoo or brand). More often, jewelry, such as a ring, bracelet or necklace; or a particular item of clothing (perhaps a scarf or belt, or even underwear) will be used. It may only be that the Dom/me selects sub's clothing , or just the style of clothing on a daily basis; or perhaps a hairstyle or makeup and scents.

A sub might accept pain or humiliation inflicted as well-deserved punishment. Selfless devotion to a Dom/me who is also a Sadist might motivate the sub to accept pain as a means of delivering pleasure to the Dom/me. Unless the sub is also a masochist, however, he/she is not motivated to seek it for his/her own "benefit."

A word about role-playing: an apparent sub may be a true submissive, or may only be role-playing. A sub also may or may not be a masochist, and if not, may role-play at being one.

Now we will distinguish between Dom/mes, Sadists, subs, and masochists.

A Sadist obtains gratification through delivering humiliation, discomfort, or preferably, pain, to someone else. That is the defining characteristic and motivation. End of story.

A Masochist obtains gratification through recieving humiliation, discomfort, or pain. Motivations may include:

• Sexual satisfaction, derived from experiencing abuse.
• A need for punishment for past or present thoughts, desires, or misdeeds.
• An endorphin "rush," induced by overwhelming physical pain.

The requred abuse is most often physical, but can be emotional (humiliation). Corroborated evidence exists that some masochists can only achieve orgasm through painful genital abuse. Anecdotal evidence indicates that others can achieve it through extreme humiliation. In any case, abuse usually stimulates the masochist's libido, and/or intensifies a concurrent or subsequent sexual experience.

A masochist will not necessarily be involved as a sub in a D/s relationship, and therefore may or may not defer to a Dom/me on any particular decision. A masochist can be perfectly capable and desirous of managing his/her own life.

Unless the masochist is also a submissive, he/she doesn't necessarily require tangible evidence of status. A pure masochist, however, may use enhancements to his/her physical appearance to "advertise" availability. Given the nature of his/her activities, there may also be incidental collateral visible evidence, such as scars, burns, cuts, lash marks, etc.

A masochist may role-play at being a submissive; however, in general, masochism itself is not a role: it is a deeply-rooted mindset. The consequences are usually too severe to be acceptable to role-players.

In summary: A Sadist may or may not be a Dom/me. A Dom/me may or may not be a Sadist. One need not be both to be one or the other. A masochist may or may not be a submissive. A submissive may or may not be a masochist. One need not be both to be one or the other. It's technically feasible for a Dom/me to be a masochist (I think I even know a few of those) or a sub to be a Sadist.

Now, with any luck I have explained, or perhaps clouded, the issues of D/s and BDSM enough that my critics are either too impressed or too confused to further question my assertions about my own personality.

Thank you for reading.

QM